Chapter 4

At that time, she was very dissatisfied, feeling that her boyfriend was a fool, but now she understands that arguing is also a form of equal dialogue

Where is it

Yan Yiming was wearing a moss green T-shirt, lazily leaning against the back of the sofa. He appeared to be four or five years younger than his actual age, resembling her peers. Kong Kong suddenly thought: In a few years, will I seem older than him?

After a while, her phone received a reply from Yan Yiming: "I know." This was the most sincere response he could offer to her love.

She gently sat on the edge of the bed, carefully tracing irregular lines along his features with her fingers. When was the last time they met? It must have been almost a whole year. He appeared to have changed little, even compared to five years ago when they first met, there seemed to be no significant difference.

She had been in one or two relationships before, all of which were quite ordinary campus romances. Her boyfriends were of a similar age, and when disputes arose, neither would yield. Even when arguing over trivial matters, they would resort to the sharpest words and the most hurtful insults.

"It doesn't matter, I am always here anyway," she said

"I only returned on New Year's Eve, and then visited relatives and friends, so I only have time today." He was explaining to her why he only contacted her today, and she understood his meaning—however, Kong Kong felt that this explanation was somewhat unnecessary; it wouldn't have mattered even if it had been a few days later. In a sense, she actually enjoyed the torment of waiting, and she wondered if she was a bit perverse.

Hilton, there is a bar on the first floor, I will wait for you there

She was right about everything, except for one thing— it was not that easy for him

"Stop pretending, you know what it takes to make me feel a little better," she turned her head to smile at him, her smile mixed with helplessness and a hint of sadness. "Are we going to continue like this? A long silence, sleeping as soon as we meet, followed by another long silence... It must be very easy for you, so you think it is the same for me."

Do you smoke

The autumn in Beijing, regardless of how it is combined, possesses a captivating charm.

We may be entering an era where words are least valued and regarded as having little worth, she has thought this more than once

"I don't smoke much, only when I'm particularly bored," Kong Kong said, "Why are you here? Don't you like children?"

"I watched a movie at home in the morning, and in the afternoon I went to a gathering, which didn't break up until around eight or nine o'clock," Kong Kong said. She noticed her voice sounded a bit tense, so she quickly picked up her drink and took a sip, which finally eased her throat.

She did not turn back, as if captivated by the scenery outside the window, but in reality, the glass merely reflected the images within the room. She looked at the reflection of Yan Yiming in the glass and said, "Since we have to part ways, it would be more dignified to do so in the evening than in the morning."

Chen Kewai appears to have matured somewhat, yet still maintains the image of a clean-cut good student. Kong Kong only has a general understanding of his trajectory: he attended university in Beijing, and after completing his graduate studies, he joined a well-known financial company, making him one of the more successful individuals among his peers.

The empty lower half of the face was buried in a thick scarf, and the voice sounded muffled: "Search everywhere, search everywhere."

Alright, let us not speak of these matters. He held her tighter, as if comforting a wronged little child

That year during the Spring Festival

Kong Kong knows that there is no need to continue discussing this matter. This is their farewell banquet. In a few hours, the man before her will board the plane—she is unsure whether he is in Shanghai, Hangzhou, or Shenzhen... She is completely unclear about his movements, his inner pursuits, and the goals for which he strives... She must admit that, apart from the moments of passion, Yan Yiming has become quite like a stranger to her.

Still not close enough—she calmly raised her glass and drank the remaining wine in one gulp

I am leaving, " Kong Kong stood up, withdrawing his hand, " It might be too late to call a taxi. " Let's leave it at that; it seems the words have been exhausted. Yan Yiming also stood up and changed his clothes: " I will see you off. " As they left the room, Kong Kong noticed that he did not take his phone.

Oh dear, my young lady, must you put on airs? Do you really want someone to come and fetch you at that time?

Tears streamed down her face without warning, and she was unaware that she still wore the smile from just moments ago. She took out her phone and quickly typed a message to him, words she could not bring herself to say in front of him

The room fell silent for a moment before she said: "Why don't you just disappear completely? Every time I see you, my heart feels like it is being torn apart. How many more times do you think I can endure such torment?"

While on the road, she repeatedly reminded herself to remain calm and composed, but when she crossed the hotel lobby and caught sight of Yan Yiming in the bar, a jolt of electricity swiftly coursed through every cell in her body. Amidst the background sound of jazz, she could distinctly hear the sound of her own throat swallowing.

"No matter what, it is better than you staying in Qingcheng all the time," he accurately received her implicit message, "If you truly have the determination to step out of your comfort zone, then the sooner, the better"

Now we are close enough—she is both passionate and desperate

He is a few years older than her, and they have different understandings of the same thing, which stems from their respective life experiences. The rational Yan Yiming has always known that he should keep his distance from her, yet strangely, she herself resembles a black hole; as long as she appears within a certain range, it is impossible not to be drawn in

She rarely speaks in such a formal manner in her daily life; perhaps due to her profession, she tends to express herself in a straightforward and concise way. However, when it comes to Yan Yiming, she need not worry at all about being misunderstood as pretentious or affected

I am on the flight back to Beijing on the 7th of the first month, and I have to go to work on the 8th. Anyone who is going to Beijing is welcome to find me. We can go out for meals, drinks, or shopping. Chen Kewai said to everyone, and specifically emphasized to Kongkong, "I am usually quite free"

Li Biwei's soul has a void, and the shape of that void is Yan Yiming. In the turmoil, she experiences the agitation and impact, being repeatedly crushed and reshaped, her mind filled with a strange calmness. His face is buried in her hair, deeply, and she faintly hears him whispering in an almost inaudible voice, "I have returned," this murmur piercing the heavy water bag in her heart, she bites her lip tightly, preventing the tears from flowing out. His face is buried in her hair, deeply, and she faintly hears him whispering in an almost inaudible voice, "I have returned," this murmur piercing the heavy water bag in her heart, she bites her lip tightly, preventing the tears from flowing out.

Observing the harmonious scene with a cold and indifferent gaze, she realized that her apathetic demeanor was truly detestable. As she noticed the classmate with the phone approaching her table, she hurriedly stood up and flusteredly said, "I am going to the restroom." No one heard her, and even more so, no one cared to whom she was speaking.

Kong Kong has never seen the real ocean, but she willingly believes that the ocean is just as she imagines it—deep in the waters, there exists a world unknown to humanity, unlike the quirky and entertaining scenes in popcorn movies; the true ocean should be mysterious, powerful, and fierce

After finishing, K空空 went to the bathroom. When she came out wrapped in a bathrobe, she saw Yan Yiming lying on the pillow, seemingly already asleep

Beyond that, she neither knows nor cares about anything more.

This is Kong Kong's first time attending a class reunion. In the past, they have gathered a few times, and each time she found a way to decline the invitation. However, this year, due to the teacher's birthday celebration, she had no choice but to muster the courage to join the festivities

I still love you

"Alright, it's up to you, I'm fine with anything," she replied nonchalantly. He hesitated for a moment, but still reached out to embrace her, their foreheads touching. The hotel doorman discreetly turned his head to the other side to avoid disturbing the affectionate couple.

She took off her coat, sat down on the sofa next to Yan Yiming, and ordered a glass of white wine

"Alright," she smiled, not insincerely, "If I go to Beijing, I will definitely have you treat me to a meal"

The moment the information from Yan Yiming lit up the phone screen, Kong Kong felt no surprise at all—after all, it was about time, that stone had finally dropped. It seemed as though she had been waiting for this message every night throughout the entire winter, and yet when it truly arrived, she still could not suppress her shiver

Unprepared, Chen Kewei appeared beside her again. She instinctively hid the cigarette behind her, but immediately felt that this action was unnecessary.

Are you only thinking to ask this now, isn't it a bit too late

"What did you do during the day?" This was his opening line

She clearly sensed that Chen Kewei had more to say, but in the end, he only briefly stated: "If you have time, come to Beijing and contact me, I will treat you to a meal"

However, as she looked around the room, she found that there was no other seat better than the one she currently occupied—sitting next to Chen Kewei was perhaps the best choice for her in this occasion.

If you're not tired, shall we meet up? OK, where are you? I'll come over.

The teacher has already returned home early with their family. Among the remaining people, some have had too much to drink, while others are showing signs of fatigue. Zhang San suggested changing the venue and going to sing together; Li Si expressed that it is getting late and he wants to go home to spend time with his parents, as he will be away for a long time once work resumes in a few days

Until the conversation ended, Kōng Kōng let out a long sigh. In those brief few minutes, her entire body had stiffened, like a block of frozen iron

"Let us go up." She finally said, feeling a sense of relief

"Why is time more merciful to men, and society more tolerant of them?" Kong Kong thought indignantly, "Is it just because you believe your world is broader and that there is more for you to conquer?"

A smile slowly spread across Kongkong's face, supporting her own feigned pride: "I do not wish to know"

On the afternoon of the fifth day, Kong Kong arrived a little earlier than the agreed time at the restaurant that He Su had recommended to her. This was her small strategy; those who arrive early can choose their seats, while those who arrive late may not even know who they will be sharing a table with.

Kong Kong initially chose to work here for two reasons: first, because she enjoyed writing, and second, because she had a bit of admiration for the editor-in-chief. She stayed for three years, during which the editor-in-chief left for Beijing to start a business, and several of her initial colleagues also departed—some left, while others transferred to different departments. She quietly tended to her own small plot of land, diligently working without inquiring about the harvest.

The soup had already cooled down, with a layer of white grease floating on the surface. She reluctantly took a sip and then gave up. She thought to herself that she would make some fried rice when she got home later. Just then, He Su came over with a piece of cake.

She has always been tongue-tied and not good with words, and even sincere compliments are difficult for her to express naturally. Rather than making both parties feel awkward, it is better to simply avoid such situations.

A group of people emerged from the restaurant, and it was already past 9 o'clock in the evening. They stood by the street, bidding farewell to one another

The black knitwear and the moss green T-shirt were both thrown on the carpet, and they could not even distinguish who among them was more impatient.

She took a deep breath, as if trying to purge all her emotions. Yan Yiming held her hand tightly, from cold to warm.

I thought you weren't leaving tonight. Yan Yiming was a bit surprised

The car came to a precise stop in front of them, and Kong Kong opened the door, got in, and simply smiled while waving her hand, without saying a word. It was only after the car had driven a certain distance that she turned her head to look back, and Yan Yiming was still standing there.

He did not know what to say, nor did he know what he could say; he could only be certain that no matter how he argued, it would only bring about new harm. From the day he met her, from the moment she first knocked on his door, and he opened the door to see her flushed face and overly fervent eyes, he already knew that her emotions were far more abundant and intense than his own.

After she sent it, she quickly pressed the lock screen button, estimating that he would see it a little later. Tears were uncontrollable, but after crying, she felt somewhat relieved. She remembered the times they lay in bed chatting, when he would play with her hair and ask her, "Are you still at the weekly? Are you still writing those things that anyone can write?"

Once again, it was a voice message. After listening to it, Kong Kong did not continue to entangle herself further. She had made an effort to refuse, but it was evident that the refusal was ineffective

A slight stir occurred in her empty heart; although the feeling of unease had vanished, she realized that she did not feel any better as a result

The banquet proceeded in an orderly manner, with each segment appearing to have been rehearsed in advance. Everyone felt a sense of emotion upon seeing the teacher, and when they heard the teacher mention that both their physical and mental health were good and that they could still guide several more cohorts of students, the atmosphere became lively again. When the student representative spoke on stage, some people in the audience were moved to tears—Kong Kong was so surprised that he couldn't find the words, while Chen Ke quietly voiced her confusion: "What is there to cry about?"

"Classmate group, I added you in—" Upon hearing this, Kong Kong rolled his eyes, a lump stuck in his throat that he couldn't swallow. He Su continued, "I noticed you hadn't replied to my messages, so I called you. Let's leave it at that, just say it in the group."

This task does not require any mental effort; she could write it with her eyes closed. She knows that no one will pay close attention to those verbose textual descriptions, and even if you describe it in the most captivating way, the vast majority of people's attention will only be drawn to the beautiful images, after which they will quickly scroll to the end of the text to click and receive various activity benefits and vouchers

Although it may seem to anyone that He Su is her good friend, Kong Kong does not think so herself

I often read what you write, such as book reviews and film critiques. After others had left, Chen Kewei suddenly said, "There are some that I quite like."

So casual, so indifferent, as if this were merely a routine greeting. Kong Kong deliberately took a few minutes to respond, not wanting him to think that she appeared overly eager.

"I have been in Shanghai for the past two years," Yan Yiming saw through her at a glance, "If you have the chance to come, look for me."

The fifth day of the Lunar New Year marks the sixtieth birthday of the high school homeroom teacher. Led by He Su, several students wish to take advantage of the Spring Festival when everyone returns home to celebrate the teacher's birthday with a banquet, which will also serve as a reunion for the classmates.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, the two had nothing more to say. Fortunately, old classmates kept arriving in small groups at the banquet hall, and each one would come over to greet Chen Kewei. It was evident that they had maintained contact, and Chen Kewei's popularity remained as strong as ever. Kong Kong made an effort to recall his memories of him, but could only come up with a vague outline: he was one of the teachers' favorite students, solid in his studies, skilled at exams, and very diligent in his learning. Looking at his current demeanor, it was clear that he was still a disciplined person. The habits he had formed left marks on him, akin to the scent of sunlight and sea waves that the ocean leaves on sailors.

On the day Yan Yiming left Qingcheng, it seemed as if nothing had happened, and they had a meal together. Kongkong did not understand why he suddenly brought up the topic: "What do you think of Beijing?"

As early as her student years, she understood He Su's character—naturally enthusiastic, energetic, and inexhaustible, very close to everyone, friendly to all, and never realizing that her enthusiasm might be a burden to some people

Next, the atmosphere was lively with dishes being served, drinks being poured, and conversations flowing, as everyone laughed and enjoyed themselves. A female classmate who had just given birth took out her phone to show everyone pictures of her baby, and everyone enthusiastically responded, saying, "So cute!" Soon, others joined in, saying, "Let me show you a video of my baby speaking English, it's hilarious."

"You are quite composed now," she said with a soft laugh

This character "also" confirmed Chen Kewai's conjecture; she indeed wanted to avoid those overly enthusiastic and intimate individuals. He shook his head with a smile: "No, I really like children. It's just too stuffy inside, so I came out to get some fresh air." He did not mention that her recent departure reminded him of the times during self-study sessions when she would occasionally sneak out through the back door of the classroom.

Beneath the gray-blue coat, she wore a black knitted top, with a perfectly cut V-neck that showcased her beautiful collarbones. A star and moon-shaped necklace adorned her slender neck. She applied a light layer of foundation to conceal the pallor caused by years of late nights, yet it appeared as if she was not wearing any makeup. Her eyebrows were meticulously groomed, and her entire face was pale and clean, requiring no further embellishment.

"When will I be able to become as heartless as you?" Kong Kong said softly. "Wait for me a moment, I will take a shower first." He once again evaded her question in his own way

"Sure, then what season do you recommend for visiting Beijing?" Kong Kong tilted his head, his tone containing a hint of mockery.

She is the kind of person who does not mind loving at the cost of her own loss, and it is precisely her fervor and purity that make him afraid

He Su has been in Beijing for several years, and his Mandarin has become increasingly articulate, with the southern accent he once had completely vanished. With one hand empty as he answers the phone, the other hand is spinning a pen on the writing desk, and he replies irritably, "What group? What group do I have with you?"

After hesitating for a moment, she got up and sat down beside Yan Yiming, skillfully resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. As she had anticipated, he naturally wrapped his arms around her. Soon, a gentle kiss landed on her forehead and the book.

He sat down beside her, taking hold of one of her hands, remaining silent for a long time. Her nails were short and unevenly bitten, lacking any sense of beauty

"Let me know when you get home." "Okay, understood."

"You are wasting your time and energy. Talent also has a time limit," he said with a frown. "You should do something that truly matters to you. Everything you are doing now could easily be replaced by someone else; the form may be similar, but the value is completely different. Do you understand the distinction?"

Everything is a facade; the more effort one expends, the less trace it leaves behind

"Do not say such things to me; we are not in a relationship where we can make such jokes." There was a sob in her voice

In the air, there seemed to be a light and transparent substance that made Kong Kong unable to help but laugh; she herself did not expect that the end of the gathering would be the moment she felt the most at ease and happiest throughout the entire process

Upon answering the phone, He Su's voice exploded in my ear: "Bi Wei, why aren't you checking the messages in the group? You haven't replied either, what are you doing?"

She has already been pulled in, and despite her reluctance and anger, she feels embarrassed to leave directly. She quickly scanned through the group messages and roughly understood what was going on.

I personally prefer the late middle of October, as the weather becomes cooler after the National Day holiday. A few days later, the leaves of the ginkgo and phoenix trees turn yellow, and the entire view of Beijing is filled with gold. That is the most beautiful time of the year

She clearly did not make a sound, yet Yan Yiming was still startled awake. Upon opening her eyes, she saw her frowning, looking as if she were silently cursing someone in her heart

The car has not yet arrived, and they waited for a while at the hotel entrance. Kong Kong was clearly a bit anxious, as she was afraid that she might not be able to resist going back up again. Fortunately, Yan Yiming spoke up first: "I won't be leaving for another two days. If you have time, let's have a meal together..."

I understand. Although she changed the subject at that time, it is only now, when she is alone, that this answer emerges in her mind

I thought this would make things a little easier for you

a cacophony of voices

The setup is not overly extravagant; a quick glance reveals a total of about four or five tables. In the center, there is a platform, where it is expected that someone will soon represent all the students to deliver a few words of gratitude to the teachers, congratulations for the new year, and some remarks looking forward to the future.

For a brief period, they exchanged no greetings, nor did they engage in conversation; the verbal exchanges were tacitly omitted. Their gazes, akin to combatants, stripped each other bare until the waiter brought over the glass of wine

Kong Kong suddenly opened his eyes wide, locking gazes with Yan Yiming. At that moment, they were too close to each other, the exhaled breath of the other turning into tiny sparks, which were inhaled into their own lungs. They both felt that those tiny sparks coalesced into flames, burning in their chests.

Kong Kong privately sent a message to He Su: "You all just go ahead, count me in for the gift, but I won't be attending the gathering, okay"

By the time Yan Yiming came out, Kong Kong had already changed back into her own clothes, facing the window while sitting in the chair. Anyone could see the loneliness reflected in her silhouette.

He remains the person who captivates her heart the most, even though they have not met for a long time. However, once they see each other, the time of their past separation seems as if it had never existed. It is precisely these fleeting moments that make everyday life feel like a mere aside in the narrative of life

Yan Yiming pulled her into his embrace, resting his chin on the top of her head, and said: "No, if I were to get married, it would definitely be with you."

She raised her head as she replied, "No... deception, Chen Kewai?" "It's you, Biwei, it's been a long time since we last met"

She forced out two dry laughs from her throat, unable to think of how to continue the conversation. It would not be appropriate to say, "It's all nonsense, you shouldn't read it anymore." A topic that could have been elaborated on was thus awkwardly missed by her. At this moment, she felt as if she were sitting on pins and needles, deeply regretting that she had not been firm enough in her refusal of He Su.

I am at home - she thought for a moment and deleted the word "I", wondering if this would make her seem as indifferent as him. Only heaven knows how much effort she exerted to appear so nonchalant.

Although it was a winter night, she still chose a fragrance with a crisp scent, as she did not want him to perceive her true thoughts and desires.

Oh, in this way—" the sound elongated, feeling slightly embarrassed for inadvertently speaking the truth.

Room number 1205, as soon as the door closed, before she had the chance to turn on the light, Yan Yiming had already kissed her bare neck. She went completely limp, as if all the bones in her body had been drawn out. Her body reacted honestly before her consciousness did—she not only missed him, she was utterly yearning for him

Kong Kong was somewhat lost in thought; although it was just a few brief sentences, the autumn scenery of that northern city had already taken on a concrete image in her mind

They were quickly brought back by He Su, who was out searching for them. Amid He Su's incessant complaints, Kong Kong and Chen Ke exchanged a glance, as if they were at a loss with He Su, yet also as if they were concealing a secret that belonged solely to the two of them. The atmosphere in the banquet hall reached its peak when the birthday song was sung. Kong Kong sang along for a few lines, and when everyone gathered around to cut the cake, she served herself a bowl of soup.

Yan Yiming would not argue with her, nor would he contend with her. When she is angry and being unreasonable, he would only yield—this posture is not due to his tolerance, but rather because he feels guilty

When He Su's call came in, Kong Kong was writing an article for the lifestyle section of the weekly magazine about the culinary delights of Qingcheng. As the year-end approached, many dining establishments were conducting promotional activities, and the weekly magazine where Kong Kong worked was also a major advertising platform.

He Su quickly replied with a voice message: "Aren't you coming locally? They just returned from abroad, and I heard they are extremely happy about this matter"

"Are you married?" she asked coldly, the previous warmth completely vanished.

There is something I would like to ask you, may I add you on WeChat

Yan Yiming does not love me, but he understands me. I love him hopelessly, yet I do not understand him at all. Kong Kong buried her face in her palms, and for the first time, she realized this: love is actually not that remarkable

He Su gently pushed Chen Kewei and said: "She is going to Beijing to find me, why would she look for you?"

Sitting in the car heading to the Hilton, she recalled once again her reflection in the mirror before leaving.

Leaning against the red pillar at the entrance of the restaurant while lighting a cigarette, she finally relaxed a little—certainly no one would come chasing after her to show videos and photos of their children. She did not think there was anything wrong with others doing so; she simply knew all too well her own social skills—she absolutely could not handle it.

She shook her head: "If I had asked in advance, I might have been constrained by morals, but now it has come to this..." She could not continue; no matter how she tried to embellish her words, she could not hide it from him. He knew what she truly cared about.

Isn't there one in the group? The avatar is Marvin, the robot from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

She smelled his scent, and nothing had changed; every detail aligned perfectly with her memories. His body temperature and texture, the way he kissed her, were all the most familiar to her. No one else could ever provide her with such feelings. She imagined herself as a dry clay pot, empty inside, only this person could fill it with water.

You are so troublesome!" Kong Kong muttered softly, then sent another message: "Is there no room for negotiation?"

Kong Kong stubbed out the cigarette butt on the ground and threw it into the trash can at the door, then turned to Chen Kewai and said: "I agree, go ahead and add it."

There are still three or four people left at Kongkong's table. Together with Hesu, they chatted for a while about their school days. As the number of people decreased, Kongkong became more talkative. They talked about the most beautiful girl in their class—she didn't come this time, and it is said that she got married right after graduation, marrying a young talent—well, more like a middle-aged talent—hey, hey, hey, you all should stop gossiping behind others' backs—Chen Ke, did you have a crush on her back in high school?—Did I need to have a crush?

I understand, but it is still better to obtain your consent first

Although it was known that it was impossible for oneself to take the stage to speak, for safety's sake, Kong Kong still chose the table that was farthest from the platform. Not long after sitting down, he heard someone next to him ask, "Is this seat taken?"

He gently stroked her hair with his right hand: "I can still wait for the time it takes to drink a glass of wine, but how long can you drink? You can't drink for an entire night."

... ... ... ...

Kong Kong did not expect him to say these things, and she instantly felt a bit embarrassed. She was not accustomed to discussing her writings with others, especially with people she knew; it felt like exposing her naked self to them.